Life Worth Living

I didn’t even think to write about this. Dunno why; it just never occurred to me, but I think today I need to rant about this whole difficult housing situation.

At the end of this semester I’ll have lived with Rosemary for two school years now, and while it’s not anywhere near the fabled Roommate From Hell situation it hasn’t been Eden either. Our apartment is tiny, and instead of going through the complication of deciding who would get which room (bedroom is much smaller but more private—except you have to go through it to go to the bathroom; living room has less privacy because it also connects to the closet, the kitchen, and outside) we went ahead and put both our desks in one room and our beds in the other. Which was perfectly fine, until I realised that Rosemary, while generally a great roommate, never leaves the freaking room.

I’m not kidding. The only time she ever leaves it is to go to class, when she’s out getting food with me, or on rare occasions when she has a group project to work on. She has no friends to hang out with, she doesn’t like to sit and read at cafes like I do, she even times her visits home to coincide with mine. I never have the apartment to myself. It’s gotten to the point where I rejoice when she’s in the shower for that blessed 20 minutes every other day.

It’s not necessarily that I need the place to myself, and I do like the company; it’s just stifling. Secondly, I don’t want to have to share food with her anymore. I don’t know how the situation happened where everything in the kitchen is shared, but I think it started off with us cooking together. And then she started drinking my juice, and eating my chips. I’ve largely gotten used to it, but when I eat out more than she does (because I do have friends) it means she’s eating the bulk of our shared food. Neither of these peeves are necessarily deal breakers, but all in all I think I’d rather move out.

So I was elated at the thought of living with Buttercup and Jasmine next semester, albeit a little apprehensive at the friction such close quarters may put among us. Over the past year the three of us have gotten very close, so it was a natural next step. Except that I didn’t tell Rosemary until two weeks ago. I meant to, I really did. I just wasn’t sure how to bring it up because I knew that if she gets pissy when I leave to hang out with other people a lot, how can I expect her to just smile when I say I’m moving out?

When she found out she was angry and pouty and sulky, and I admit I didn’t give her so much notice. I’m definitely not blameless in this whole episode…but when we had our horrible Serious Talk she essentially said to me, “You didn’t give me enough notice, I don’t have anyone to live with, can’t afford to get my own place, and don’t want to craigslist a stranger” which honestly sounds like it amounts to “You’re stuck with me.”

At first I felt bad for putting her in such a bad place, but it’s making me angrier thinking about it. Yes I didn’t tell her early—but what would that have accomplished? It’s not like she could’ve used the extra time to ask one of her friends to live with her—because she has none—or to magically make some good enough friends to live with. Her main problem wasn’t that she couldn’t find a place, but that she couldn’t live alone. Jasmine, Buttercup, and I haven’t found a place yet; we’d essentially be in the same boat. And I would feel bad for leaving her alone, but why is it my problem? It would be a good thing to do to not abandon, but I don’t know why I have to be stuck with her just because I was her roommate for two years. And honestly, it’s not that we don’t like her and all, but her there would really put a chink in our “The three of us”-ness. If that makes any sense. I’m also not saying that telling Rosemary to shut up and deal would be the right thing to do. It’s just that I’m feeling a growing sense of resentment toward her for basically sticking herself to me, saying “I’m sorry you don’t like it, but I’m stuck…so you’re just gonna have to take me too.”

At this point living by myself is looking like a great option. I’m not kidding. I probably won’t be able to get my own room, and I’m really starting to miss the cozy little room I had in Freshman year…being able to lounge around in my underwear, strew my clothes all around the room, blast loud music, leave unwashed dishes on the table…I’m a secret pig, and I just want to be able to roll around in the mud again.