Archive for July 26th, 2010
Much Stuff
How does it feel to have passed a birthday, a milestone birthday without balloons, without a cake, without candles or cards or celebrations…with nothing to distinguish it from any other day-in-the-life but the obligatory “Happy Birthdays” from the family, friends, and Facebook acquaintances I otherwise haven’t spoken to in years? Well…it feels just fine, thank you.
I mean I feel so bad for complaining, like I should instead be thankful to have a home and a loving family and great friends and to be in a good place in life and attending one of the best schools in the nation—in the world—and to have (hopefully) a very bright future ahead of me. All this I know, and all this I am thankful for when I’m not too busy pouting and worrying about said (hopefully) bright future and missing my boyfriend, and yet…it’s just hard to not to feel a little let down when it’s your 21st birthday, the big birthday, the one often spent in Vegas, in Atlantic City, in bars and clubs or at a surprise bash thrown just for you…when you spent it stuck alone at home all day watching TV reruns and doing puzzles out of a puzzle book. And then you were guilted into going to a neighbor’s barbecue even though you really didn’t want to go because whenever you go over to their house you spend it sitting awkwardly on the couch reading childrens’ books because you have nothing else to do and listening to your mother talk about you to the other parents, and the food’s not even that good, and then after dinner there’s really no point in sticking around because the adults are just chatting about adult stuff but you don’t want to leave just then because you don’t want it to seem like you were there just for food, even though you totally were, so you just sit there for a bit longer awkwardly and finally beg out and escape like a shot. And meanwhile your brother is at a friend’s goodbye party.
